In my many years as a pastor (and as a sinner), I have come to believe that guilt and shame over sin is one of Satan’s most powerful and effective weapons against God’s people. Satan uses it to foster despair – despair that perhaps the Lord will stop loving and stop forgiving the sinner.
In my conversations with the heartbroken, I have seen this scenario play out primarily in two ways: either someone is wracked with guilt over “horrible” mistakes made in the past, or they are tormented by repeatedly making the same mistakes in the present. Sometimes both!
This story deals with the second scenario, though everything in it certainly applies to the first as well. It’s a bit lengthy, but the topic is absolutely crucial. May God use it to bring comfort, peace and joy to the grieving.
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Tristan was in a very bad place – mentally, emotionally and spiritually. He was overwhelmed with guilt; shame engulfed him, sweeping through him in waves.
He recognized that he was a sinner who sinned all the time in many different ways. Unfortunately, this is the human condition – a result of the sinful nature residing in every person. But that wasn’t what he agonized over, (though he certainly grieved over it). No, it was trespassing … crossing God’s line between right and wrong … repeatedly in the same way that tore Tristan up.
“Again, and again, and again I make the same mistake; I sin the same sin!” his thoughts cried out. “I know better. I know it’s wrong. I know God condemns it. I know I shouldn’t do it. But I do it anyway! Again, and again, and again!” He groaned out loud and shuddered in remorse.
He sat at his dining room table, his head in his hands. Heartfelt tears wet his hands, rolled down his wrists and dripped onto the tabletop. It wasn’t the first time that sorrow over his sin spilled out of him; he was sure it wouldn’t be the last. Especially since he kept falling into the same trap over and over again!
Who was he kidding? Often enough he wasn’t “falling into” the sin; it was an eager headfirst dive!
Tristan’s conscience tried him, judged him, found him guilty, and condemned him. And Tristan didn’t even dare argue the verdict.
“How can God possibly forgive me … again? How can I even go to him after so many falls?” he wondered. The tears intensified as he shook his head in despair. “Does he even want to hear from me anymore? Am I even his child anymore? Does he even care about me anymore? When does he finally get fed up with me and toss me away? I would have discarded me a long time ago!”
Sobbing wracked his body. So much pain, and all self-induced!
He whispered out loud, his voice teaming with emotion, “O Lord, if you can somehow find a way … please, please, please forgive me one more time! I know I have no right to ask, but it’s all I know to do. I know Jesus died for me, but I’m afraid I’ve thrown it all away. I’ve gone too far; I’ve sinned too many times!”
Tristan dropped his head onto his folded arms resting on the surface of the table, his tears flowing freely. “But Jesus is my only hope. I have nothing else to cling to, and I’m terrified I’ve squandered him away with my foolishness.”
A hollowness filled him; despair overriding every other thought and emotion. His deep sorrow made him physically ill. His mind locked onto his guilt, his heart ached, his chest constricted and his stomach churned.
“Hello, Tristan.” Tristan lifted his head quickly; no one should be there with him! His eyes fell on Jesus, standing before him and smiling warmly.
How could this be? Was it a dream? A vision? His mind couldn’t grasp what his eyes were seeing. “It doesn’t matter how it is that you see me,” Jesus stated. “It’s just important that you do.”
New tears streamed forth from Tristan’s eyes. “O Lord, I’m not worthy to be in your presence! I’m so sorry! So sorry! So very sorry!” he sobbed. He felt that he should throw himself at Jesus’ feet, but he seemed unable to move.
Jesus nodded. “Yes, I know. You have sinned again and are torn apart with remorse.” He paused, then continued gently. “You do have a problem with this issue. But it is not your greatest shortcoming.”
Tristan gasped. Oh no! He had a bigger issue? In trembling voice, he faltered out the question, “What I keep doing is terrible, Lord! But there is something worse?” He was horror stricken, and his despair ramped up in intensity.
“All sin is horrible in my eyes, Tristan,” Jesus replied. “And all sin brings at least some earthly ramifications.” He smiled sadly. “As you well know.” Tristan nodded, almost imperceptibly. “But some sins foster greater repercussions than others. Potentially leading to eternal repercussions. Such is the case with you.”
Tristan was terrified. Was Jesus saying he had lost salvation?
“No, Tristan. That is NOT what I am saying. Only that if you continue to despair you could lose your hope and your salvation because you give up on me. This is the risk if you continue in your more dangerous sin.”
After stating this, Jesus was silent. He simply stared quietly at Tristan, waiting for the inevitable. Finally, Tristan looked down, swallowed once, then twice. He choked out the request in a weak voice. “What could possibly be worse?” He didn’t dare look at Jesus.
“Your more dangerous sin is not believing my words,” came Jesus’ quiet but firm reply. “And the ramifications of that are causing you major issues.” The Savior let those statements sink in.
Tristan was dumbfounded. His thoughts raced and his emotions swirled. Finally, he gathered himself and said, “But I do believe your words!”
“Once again you prove that you do not,” Jesus stated. “I, the Lord, just made a simple statement of fact … and you dismissed it.” His voice didn’t carry anger, but rather a deep sadness.
Tristan gasped. What had he just done? And how was it that he had sinned in this way before? He knew the Scriptures were inspired by God, and therefore living, active and absolutely true. “I’m sorry, Lord! I’m sorry! But I don’t understand!”
“Yes, I know. That is why I am here. To help you understand, and to change your perspective.”
“Teach me what I need to learn, Lord! Show me what I need to see!” Tristan begged.
Jesus smiled warmly again. “I thought you’d never ask.” He looked intensely at Tristan and said, “Blessed are the eyes that see what you will see!” Luke 10:23.
Then Jesus waved his hand smoothly before him, and a large Bible appeared before Tristan. It was open to Psalm 103, and three verses (8-10) lifted up off the page – large, glowing and easily discerned. “Let’s review the basics. What do these verses say?”
Tristan read them. “The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.” New tears began flowing.
“Do you doubt these words?” the Savior asked.
“No!”
“I’ll ask you again. Do you doubt these words?”
Tristan was about to insist that he didn’t … when he realized with shock that he had and he did.
“Are we beginning to see the problem?” Jesus queried. The grief-stricken sinner slowly nodded, his eyes wide.
“Good!” Jesus stated. “Here’s another one.” The pages in the Bible rolled right to left and settled on another passage – Ephesians 1:7-8. The words again lifted off the page. “In Jesus we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us.”
Jesus spread his arms, his hands upright and open, and focused on Tristan. “Are those words too difficult to understand?”
“No!” Tristan paused. “I mean, yes!” He shook his head in exasperation. “I mean no and yes! Lord, my sins are so huge! And so horrible! And so often and easily repeated! Doesn’t there come a time when a believer forfeits it all?”
Jesus placed his hands over his chest. “And now we get to the heart of it all. Listen carefully to what I say.”
“My apostle John wrote these words: ‘This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts.’” (1 John 3:19-20).
The words stirred Tristan’s soul. But Jesus wasn’t done. “My apostle Paul summarized the same truth in this way: ‘Where sin increased, God’s grace increased all the more.’” (Romans 5:20).
“I’ve heard those words before, Lord, but …” Tristan’s voice halted.
“But you weren’t sure they could be true. At least for you.” Tristan nodded sadly. “Let me illustrate this for you,” Jesus replied.
He waved his hand again, and the two of them seemed to be suspended over the tiny topmost shoot of a tree. Jesus pointed at it. “Your sin.” The view slowly expanded and panned slowly downward until an entire massive tree became visible, hundreds and hundreds of feet tall. Now Jesus motioned toward the tree. “My grace, mercy and forgiveness.”
Tristan was stunned. Jesus smiled, and then presented the next illustration.
Now the two of them hovered over a vast body of water. Jesus called Tristan’s attention to a small bubble floating on the surface. “Your sin.” The view expanded again to show the unending waves of a massive ocean, after which Jesus miraculously revealed the staggering depths of water below the tiny bubble. Jesus simply said, “My grace.”
The view changed again. This time Tristan’s gaze fell upon a miniscule pebble. “Your sin,” said the Savior. A short time later they had withdrawn to the point that they were looking upon the entire planet. “My grace.”
Next, Tristan found himself looking down on himself. “You and your sin.” Rapidly, he shrank from view, as did the continent he was on, and soon the entire world. In a matter of moments, the Lord showed him the entire solar system, then additional galaxies, and finally the entire cosmos. “This is my grace.”
The Lord waved his hand once more, and an opening appeared in the stars. Brilliant glory poured out from the cavity. Tristan realized with awe that he was being given a glimpse into heaven.
But it wasn’t only beams of brilliance that spilled from the opening. There was also a cascade of thick, red liquid gushing out and cascading down toward the earth. Tristan gasped. It was Jesus’ blood!
Once again the viewpoint altered; the focus again settled on Tristan … his head down on his table in profound grief. The familiar words were repeated. “You and your sin,” said Jesus. And then the bright red blood of Jesus washed over him! “My grace, mercy and forgiveness. I assure you, it is more than sufficient for your guilt.”
“O Lord, it’s so wonderful!” Tristan exclaimed joyfully. Then the exuberance began to slip away. “But what about my repeated sin?”
“Which sin is that?” Jesus asked sincerely, and then stated, “I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.” Isaiah 43:25.
Tristan’s mouth dropped open, and his eyes grew wide. It was all so astonishing! So amazing! So incredible! So wonderful!
“A few final comments,” Jesus continued. “First, realize that I am not making light of your sin. Sin is always detestable to me. Rather, I am discrediting your shame.” Jesus wrapped his arms around Tristan. “You love me and belong to me through faith. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus! Romans 8:1. Where there is no condemnation in God’s eyes, there is no need for shame.”
“Secondly, in love and thankfulness – go and sin no more.” John 8:11. Jesus tightened his embrace. “But if you do … and you are sinful, after all … come to me in confidence that my grace is overly abundant for you.”
“And finally, your name is Tristan, which means ‘Sorrowful.’ Your spiritual name from this time forward will be Jevin. Jevin means ‘God is gracious.’ It also means ‘Joyful.’ Since you now recognize that your God is indeed gracious, you can truly be joyful.”
Tristan was overcome with emotion. New sobs broke forth from his heart. But they weren’t sobs of sorrow; rather, an expression of extreme joy. “Thank you, Lord, for loving me … and forgiving me! Thank you, Lord, for showing this to me!”
Jesus kissed him on the forehead, and then he was gone. But the truths he had shared remained. Which meant that Jevin now held an entirely different perspective on God’s overly abundant grace. It was a truth he treasured, and a truth that actually aided him in living his life more fervently for the Lord.
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Biblical Concepts of a Sinner/Sin
Versus
God’s Abundant Love and Forgiveness
Ephesians 3:16-19 – A tiny branch on a massive tree
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Micah 7:18-19 – A tiny bubble in a massive ocean
Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.
Psalm 103:12 – A tiny pebble on the entire globe
As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
Psalm 103:11 – A tiny person in the vast cosmos
For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him;
Colossians 1:19-23 – A sinful believer made holy through Jesus’ blood
For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in [Christ], and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross. Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation— if you continue in your faith, established and firm, and do not move from the hope held out in the gospel.
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Psalm 103:1-14
Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. The Lord works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed.
The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.